The dishes don’t get done.
The piles of stuff still lay unclaimed for their original places.
I selfishly zone out and check my phone one more time.
There are tantrums, talking back and timeouts.
I don’t get a quiet time or work out in.
I operate out of my own will and not His.
I am running on little sleep, lots of impatience and kids seems to be doing the same.
Is it still a good day? Am I still a good mom? Are my kids still good kids?
These are the questions I ask myself when these things happen. I am a performer. I perform for others, but mostly for myself. And when things go wrong or not like I want or expected then I get stuck in a black and white world. I lose the truth I need to remember that no matter what happens in the day “good” or “bad” I am covered in grace. Sure I learn from mistakes and God has put me in charge to help my kids do the same But it’s not about what I did or didn’t do. It’s not about what I could or or should of done differently. Or how I expected my kids to act that makes for a bad day and results in guilt and shame.
It’s ok if the day isn’t perfect. If my to do list for the day is left with a couple things left for the next day. It’s ok if I’m not at 100% everyday and score an A+. Sometimes C+ days are going to happen and that is ok. I will not ruin my kids and I will not lose any friends over it. If anything maybe I will gain a couple more “normal” mom-friends who also don’t have it all together all the time.
This is a hard one for me to grasp. It’s hard for me to live out. So I have to preach it to myself (like a writing a blog post about it). His love for me is the same. It is never ending and abounding. His mercies are new every morning. I am covered in His grace and He takes along side Him each and every day.
How do find yourself when you have a “bad” day or don’t measure up?
Thank you for this Aubrey as I had one of those days yesterday. I know the truth but can’t shake the feeling of failure. Hard to give myself the grace I have already been given!
I have been preaching this to myself for years and eventually it does start to sink in. I’m a little hard-headed so each little drop takes a while to penetrate… I have come to discover that the only real thing about this life of faith is grace- for self and others- and it’s also the hardest.
For a second there I thought you were looking into my windows 😉 Prayers for all of us mamas in the trenches, trying to do His will in a laundry land of chaos!!
I may or may not have had a very similar day yesterday when I may or may not have pouted and felt sorry for myself while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. And it’s possible that I am preaching it to myself as I type.
Aubrey, I have thought these very same thoughts and have wondered if I’m assessing myself accurately. How often do I (like you) base myself/my worth/my days/my mothering on my performance? Thank you for this remeinder of grace today. Ahhh.
Even though how we are both thinking isn’t the best…it’s always good to hear I’m not alone. You’re welcome for the reminder. Now if I can just remember myself!
ok. so we are in the same boat:)
How do you know I’m not:) Happy to be in this laundry land of chaos with you my friend!
Ok so it does start to sink in….eventually? I’m going to count on that! I’m hard headed too:)
I hear ya! Happy and thankful to be alongside mothers and friends like yourself in this journey we are on. We all need reminders of His great, abundant grace!