Remember this post when I announced a book that was coming out soon and I was so excited about it? And then I randomly won a contest on the (in)courage blog and won Grace for Good Girl and some other really cool prizes! Pretty awesome, right? Well I’ve been s l o w l y reading that book and wanted to share with you a bit about what I’m learning. I say slowly because I am a slow reader, I don’t take a lot of time to sit down and read and also because it is so so so good that I want to take my time digesting every word. I am in chapter six but the book captured me early on in chapter two and I knew I was in for a ride. Here is what got me. Ready for brutal honesty?
The shape and intensity of our performance comes down to two things: expectations and definitions. I have the expectation of myself to be a good girl, a good Christian, a good wife and a good mom. Not such bad things, until you understand my own personal, twisted definitions of “good”. Good means I never mess up. Good means I weigh the perfect amount. Good means I can handle everything, I don’t look like a fool and I never lose my patience, Good means my husband will never be disappointed in me, my kids will always obey, and everyone basically likes me. Good means i am enough. My goodness is all bout me. Not only do I want to be a good girl, a good Christian, a good wife and a good mom, I want to be those things in front of God and everyone. I want to be good and I want you to know it.
So now I stand at a fork in the road: I can try to figure out a way to continue making life work on my own or I can admit defeat and accept Jesus’ invitation to simply Come.
This is often my reality, the on goings of my brain. Crazy, huh? I know God has done a huge work on my heart over the years and by His race alone I don’t camp out here as often or as long as I used to but still at times my tent will be here. I drive myself crazy and those around me crazy. Namely, my husband.
I’m thankful I have more than glimpses of freedom from this “good girl” life. It’s a hard cycle to break, it takes many steps of faith but more than worth it to put forth the effort. If the above quote from Emily Freeman’s book resonates with your heart I highly recommend picking yourself up a copy. I’d love for you to join me! Let’s climb these stairs together.