From the moment he arrived it was all new. Some things just fell into place, like I was always meant to know and love this little person. Other things, it was trial and error. He has been our little guinea pig from the start. New parents figuring out how to do all this “parenting stuff”. But from moment one he needed me. He needed me to do it all for him. Feed him, bathe him, keep him warm, cut his toenails, wipe his nose. Love and care for him in every possible way. He needed me to figure all this “parenting stuff” out. He relied on me. And I loved that feeling.
Now he is 6. And the “little boy” in him is starting to leave. Just slowly, but I see it happening. And I’ll be honest, it scares me. He doesn’t need me like he used to. Even though we are buying new jeans every 3 months it seems his independence is growing faster than anything. He wants to figure things out on his own. Try new things…with out his mama.
I am learning that though he may not need me like he used to. But he still needs me. He now needs me in new ways. He needs encouragement, needs to be trusted, to be heard, confidence, truth, lots of grace and lots of love. Yes, he needs me in new ways.
As he slowly pulls away from me I pull more closely to the One who has given him to us. For I know He has him. He is always watching, protecting, guiding. He’s got him in ways I never had or ever will. As he turns to figure things out on his own I do my best to point him in the right direction of Him. I slowly let go and trust more.
I also treasure the times when he still climbs up into my lap and wants to snuggle. When he gets hurts and only wants me to help fix it, when he needs that extra security and comfort from his mama.
Oh this letting go and trusting thing is hard. I have a feeling it will only get harder. But I know that is what he needs. To be let go. To be trusted. To be pushed in the most graceful way. I know it is what I need to. But he will always be my little boy.