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The dishes don’t get done.

The piles of stuff still lay unclaimed for their original places.

I selfishly zone out and check my phone one more time.

There are tantrums, talking back and timeouts.

I don’t get a quiet time or work out in.

I operate out of my own will and not His.

I am running on little sleep, lots of impatience and kids seems to be doing the same.

Is it still a good day? Am I still a good mom? Are my kids still good kids?

These are the questions I ask myself when these things happen. I am a performer. I perform for others, but mostly for myself. And when things go wrong or not like I want or expected then I get stuck in a black and white world. I lose the truth I need to remember that no matter what happens in the day “good” or “bad” I am covered in grace. Sure I learn from mistakes and God has put me in charge to help my kids do the same But it’s not about what I did or didn’t do. It’s not about what I could or or should of done differently. Or how I expected my kids to act that makes for a bad day and results in guilt and shame.

It’s ok if the day isn’t perfect. If my to do list for the day is left with a couple things left for the next day. It’s ok if I’m not at 100% everyday and score an A+. Sometimes C+ days are going to happen and that is ok. I will not ruin my kids and I will not lose any friends over it. If anything maybe I will gain a couple more “normal” mom-friends who also don’t have it all together all the time.

This is a hard one for me to grasp. It’s hard for me to live out. So I have to preach it to myself (like a writing a blog post about it). His love for me is the same. It is never ending and abounding. His mercies are new every morning. I am covered in His grace and He takes along side Him each and every day.

How do find yourself when you have a “bad” day or don’t measure up?

We have been pressing on in memorizing a verse a month as a family. We have gotten into the routine of making some kind of project out of it and then hanging it on the kitchen door where it is most visible as we go in and out. I’ve been surprised how well the kids are remembering the verses, even the past months. This month we chose John 3:16 in light of Easter. I think it’s so cute and funny to hear big words like “perish” and “eternal life” come out of little mouths.

How do you hide His Word in your little ones?

Last week we encountered a situation with the neighbor kids. After conversations were had and things were sorted out all is well but I was reminded of the fact that one of my roles as a mother is to be their protector. And last week I realized I was kinda taking that role a little too lightly. I am letting my kids out to sort of fend for themselves in a sense. Now let me assure you I am physically watching them and keeping them safe from physical harm. I mean for the most part, we still go through band aids like water around here. But I am not talking about physical danger. When they were little I made sure they didn’t fall down steps or stick their finger in a light socket. But now it is a different kind of protection. One that is just as important, if not more. And definitely harder to navigate as a mom. I’m talking about spiritual danger. Lately, I have dropped the ball in filling my kids with truth. The Truth. In a way that sticks, you know? Just like us, they have a void that needs to be filled and it will be filled with whatever comes along. Of course they don’t get that. But I see it. It is my job to steer them in the right path. To point them to the truth. To shield them from the junk we don’t want around them. It is my job to help strengthen them and teach them now so when the day comes when I am not around they can handle themselves. They are confident in Him and secure in His truth.

Until then I want my kids to know I’ve got their back.

What does this look like for you with your kids?

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As I was running this morning I found myself asking “Is it worth it?”

I’m training for a marathon right now and I’m attempting to stay on a running schedule. But it’s dark and cold and I’m sacrificing sleep for this run right now. So the question comes to mind “Is this worth it?”

This question comes to mind in other areas of my life.

When I am in it up to my neck in training these little people God has given us. There are times when I’m at a loss and I wonder Is this worth it? Am I making a difference?

When something takes me extra effort or time that will show my husband respect or encouragement. But will he even notice? Is it worth it?

Taking time to pursue relationships with family members, friends, neighbors. Well they don’t seem to care one way or the other so why should I?

Getting up early to spend time with the Lord, when most mornings I am interrupted by early risers who don’t know how to be quiet. Why am I doing this again? Is it worth it?

Daily choosing to walk with Him. Often His way is not the most popular, not the easiest or most comfortable. And that question creeps into my head, is this worth it?

Of course I know the answer to this question in each of these scenarios. It IS worth it. All of it. But I still have these thoughts in moments of doubt, complacency and discouragement. And I’m guessing, if you are honest you do too.

Lies can so easily find their way into our thought life and tell us that our effort and time put into our marriage, our kids, our relationship with Him and others isn’t worth it. BUT IT IS. Anything that is precious is going to cost us something to maintain, to pursue. Or it wouldn’t be precious to us. It is worth the extra time, effort, the uncomfortableness, even the lack of sleep. My kids are worth it, my husband is worth it, my God is worth it. And if I want to be healthy and do races. do well then the training is worth it.

So I will fight back those lies with truth. His truth.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,  who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

I will pursue my kids, my husband and others even when I don’t get the instant gratification of making a difference that I so want. I pray that my heart motivations are pure. Above all, I will pursue Him. He is worth it.

On the days when I don’t get up to run, when my quiet time is continually interrupted and I finally just give up, when I discipline for the same things over and over, when the drama and attitude is a little too much, when my extra effort goes unnoticed and I just don’t have it all together. It is okay. Because He still sees me same, He gives grace and He says:

I am worth it.

And so I keep going.