When I was pregnant with the girls I was put on bedrest for the last 6 weeks. Mason had just turned 2. Like any 2 year old he was busy. Hanging out on the couch doing puzzles and coloring with mommy was not an option. But he did like TV. So TV it was. ALOT of TV. Also, the mac-n-cheese and PB&J’s were plentiful. Anything that was easy was my go to. We didn’t have family around to help us. Thankfully we had a small group from church that jumped in to help anyway they could. As much as we appreciated this our house became a revolving door of people in and out. It was a lot for even our extroverted son. The “normal” life our 2 year old had once lived had been turned upside down. As a result of all the change and stress in our home our little guy developed a stutter. This was heartbreaking for me. I felt responsible and guilty. I was convinced I had ruined him for life. Not to mention all the TV and mac-n-cheese he was consuming on a daily basis. Oh, the picture I had conceived in my head was not pretty.

Well you can probably guess how the story ended…continued I should say. The girls were born, life resumed once again. Or we eventually found a new normal. The TV was not on quite as much. We still served mac-n-cheese and PB&J but not on a daily basis. Because it’s still a tasty meal! His stutter continued for some time but we learned how to help him and even prevent it mostly. Still, to this day when he is over tired or over stimulated his stutter will come back. Actually, I am thankful for it now. It’s a good check for us when we need to slow down.

What did I learn from this time? I learned it was a season. Life had crazy circumstances for awhile. We made adjustments accordingly and there were side effects. But it was not permanent. I didn’t ruin Mason for life. He bounced right back and adjusted to his new life very well.

Seasons happen all the time in life. Some are hard. Real hard. We deal with them the best we know how. Sometimes its easy and we soak it in and enjoy it while it lasts. But when it’s  hard I try to remember that seasons are just that, a relatively short amount of time that will soon pass. We have to make the best decisions we can at that time, trust that God knows best and we’ll be okay. Most importantly, as moms we have to remember that our kids will be okay. They are resilient and will bounce right back. Don’t go extreme. Stay out of the black and white. Settle in the grey for awhile. It’s okay. Believe that soon this shall pass and then there will be something new.

Why am I saying this? I am in a season of parenting right now that is trying. I am constantly doubting myself, praying for wisdom and the perseverance to trust in His sovereignty. Trusting this is a season, a temporary time that will soon pass. I have to stay on the path and keep moving forward. Don’t go extreme, just stay in the grey. It’s okay to be grey!

How do you handle seasons in your life? What kind of season are you in right now?

(photo credit)

Responsible. Strong.

These are two words I would love hear people describe me as. And in fact, I have heard those words. My heart soared with pride. Yes, that is me! That is what they see me. They see me as the responsible friend, the responsible daughter, the responsible co-worker. I am strong, I can handle it. Don’t worry about me, I got it.

Yes, these words fill me up.

But…is this what I really want? Is this what I really want to fill me up?

Always taking on the responsible, strong role can only go so well for so long. I have a tendency to be over responsible. I am responsible for all outcomes, good or bad. I am responsible for others feelings. To keep them feeling good or help them not feel bad. I am responsible to always be responsible in all situations at all times. You can see how this would be physically and emotionally exhausting and not to mention impossible to be successful at.

What if I mess up? What if I look weak? What if I look like I don’t have it all together and then others will see it and then they will think this (fill in the blank) and then they won’t like me.You know how our minds get the best of us and the thoughts go on and on and on like  a run on sentence.  Showing weakness has been a fear of mine that I struggle to let others see.

I like the “look” of the responsible, strong, got it all together girl. But I don’t like the life that comes with it. It’s lonely, exhausting and really not worth it. The outside looks impressive and fabulous. But the inside is not so pretty. This is what turned me back to letting go of myself and letting Him in again when I was college. I was tired of being tired. I had to let go. 

Best decision I’ve ever made. I saw that He really wasn’t looking for the responsible, strong girl. He wanted the mess and the weakness. He wanted to carry it for me. And not just my mess but He wanted to carry me too.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

It’s hard to let go of the “the look” that we think so many others have (but they really don’t) and accept “the look” that maybe isn’t so pretty or desired. It’s hard to accept that this is what He’s calling us to. He wants to make us pretty. It’s not of ourselves.

So let’s let go of “the look” that we all carry around in our head and try to recreate in ourselves. Let’s be real, authentic and accept one another and the grace that He is freely giving out to make us better than we ever be could on our own.

Linking up today with Grace for the Good Girl book club

And Write It Girl summer challenge!

Yep! Sunday, I ran a marathon. And I lived to tell you about it. I’ve been training and thinking about it and planning and running and thinking about it some more for a while now. Can’t tell you enough how happy I am it is O V E R.

How was it? 

Well it was hard. Very hard actually. It was in my hometown so I am not oblivious to the hills that are around. But I’m pretty sure we hit every hill possible. I was either going up or down. I live and trained in Indiana. There are no hills here my friends. The hills are what got me. Almost broke me a couple of times. If it wasn’t for my brother who paced me and road his bike along side me for the last half of the race I’m not sure what I would have done. He kept me going with his constant encouragement and truth. I’m very thankful for him.

So yes it was hard. Harder than I imagined and this was my third so I knew what I was going into. But every race is different. Even though it was hard I had my best time by 5 minutes. I did not reach the goal I set for myself. I’m working on getting past that and being okay with what the race was.

I finished the race and kind of crashed. I was dehydrated and needed an IV to get some fluids into me. I recovered quickly. No worries. Now I so am sore and hobbling around like a 90 year old grandma. I have some gnarly blisters on my toes and will mostly likely lose 6 toenails.

With all this said, will I do it again? Yes. I will. Someday. Not anytime soon. Right now I’m enjoying some time off for sure.

I’m learning, like a marathon life is similar. You prepare, you train, you practice and think through every senario and possible outcome. But when it comes down to it you really don’t know how it will all play out. There is so much more to it that is beyond us. That’s where walking by faith and not by sight really plays out.

Because if we knew how the race would go would we really train that hard and even want to run the race?