Seven years ago today I was a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. But not a mommy. I remember going to the doctor AGAIN, then being sent to the hospital for an ultrasound to see how big this little guy was. They predicted he was going to a 10 pounder. Praise the Lord that wasn’t the case. They also saw the cord was wrapped around his neck and he facing the wrong way. Nice. I went home knowing it was going to be anytime but still really having no clue what was going on. I was huge and a week over due and continued waiting. I cleaned the house ONE MORE TIME. Visited Brian at work in the 100+ degree heat, made a huge meal for dinner because I knew we would have family in and out of the house in the next week or so. Then I waited some more. I took a really LONG walk that night. Praying that he would come soon. I had trouble sleeping in bed that night so I ended up on the couch. At 6am I awoke to a wet couch and to some contractions. Hmmm? I think something happened. I woke up Brian and said it was GO TIME. It was a long day. Don’t remember much of it. But finally after a series of events Mason was born at 11pm via c-section. Our lives were forever changed. I was a mommy and I had my first baby in my arms.

Today is Mason’s last day of being 6. Tomorrow we will have a 7 year old in the house. As much as I want to yell “Sloooooow down!” I love watching him get older and enjoying the new, fun things that come along with having an even bigger boy!

(photo credit)

In January people often make resolutions, commitments, promises of some sort that say “I will do this.” “I am going to quit this.”  You know how it goes. Me? I don’t really get into all that. At least not then.

As a stay at home mom, my “new year” more feels like NOW. At the beginning of school year. The schedule changes, new things start up and there are many new areas to spend or not to spend my time. As the kids get older I feel this more and more. It used to stress me out. I was stressed because I felt like I had to say YES to EVERYTHING. I like to be involved. I’ll be honest I like to be right in the mix of what is going on. Not necessarily leading, just being a part. My husband may or may call me nosey from time to time. Whatev. I like to be “in the know”. I also don’t like that left out feeling when all my friends are doing something and I’m not and then they talk about it when we are all together and I don’t have anything to say and I stand there awkwardly pretending it doesn’t bother me. But it SO does. Yes, this sounds middle schoolish but you’ve all been there. Don’t judge.

So what does one do when there are lots of ways to spend our time? Lots of good ways. But there is only so much of me. So much energy and time I have to give.

I don’t have the answer to this complex question I have proposed here. But these are things I have learned or am learning that help me when I get all caught up in “oh my gosh what should I do?!?” mode:

1. I have committed to giving my best to my family first after that there is a only a certain amount left other people and things for me to continue to do it all well. At this point in my life that amount is relatively small.
2. My list of commitments is getting shorter as I learn more about myself and what I can really do WELL.
3. There are seasons of life when I can take on more and other times I have to cut back. Nothing is set stone. I have to be flexible and roll with it.
4. I will not and can not do all the good stuff I want to do. I have to say no to some really awesome stuff to keep what’s BEST on top of the list.
5. There will be times when I will be left out of things, maybe miss some cool stuff. I am learning to let it go and put my confidence in Him. Not others. Not in what I do.
6. My list is going to look different than yours. No judging. No comparing. We all are doing the best we know how, with what we’ve got, at this point in time.
7. And this is the hardest one…there will be times when I let someone down by saying no and they do not understand. I have to be ok with that.

Seven is kind of a weird place to end but that is all I got.

How are you doing with your time commitments? Is your family getting your best? Are you doing things out of obligation and feeling far too stretched?

Pray where God would have you spend your time and energy. I am confident with His help you will know exactly where He wants you. He loves you. And knows you best.

Here’s to a “new year”!

The first week of school edition.

5 observations from our first week.

1. This year was WAAAAY easier than last year. There were no tears this year. I wasn’t left crying at the bus stop like last year but waving and smiling proudly as the bus drove away. And I’m not gonna lie, as much as I miss him I was ready for school to begin. It was time. That’s all I will say.

2. It is fun to see how much his confidence has grown in the last year. He knows the school, the procedures, the people and what to expect. Just knowing this stuff goes a long way.

3. Mase is able to answer ALL my questions this year. Last year I could hardly get him to say much in the first few weeks of school. Kind of drove me crazy. I think he was overwhelmed with all the newness and the last thing he wanted to do was come home and answer 5 billion questions from mommy. But not this year! He’s hanging right in there with my questions and even offering info on his own. And I’ve learned, from last year to ease off the questions a bit. He will tell me everything when he’s ready. Patience. Mom. Patience.

4. Coming into this school year I knew I wanted to have a better morning routine. Last year, when we only had 2 mornings a week we could pretty much wing it. But 5 days a week this year, we need our game faces on and be more prepared. It just makes for a better start for both of us. This week we did great. Hoping that continues.

5. Lastly, I can’t help to think what next year will look like when I put all three kids on the bus. I’m sure once again,  I will be a mess at the bus stop as my neighbors awkwardly look at me. Then I will somehow make it back to our house, do the ugly cry and slobber on Brian’s shoulder and beg him not to go to work so I won’t be all alone in house ALL DAY. Ok, well maybe it won’t be that bad. Maybe. But I know it will be hard and different but good too. For now I am choosing to not think about it. It’s more fun to enjoy this special time I have with my girls right now. Which reminds me…I promised we would play princesses.
Gotta go!

Happy weekend friends!

Seriously. Seriously? Seriously! First grade!?!

I’m not quite sure how this happened. Starting first grade, loosing one of his top teeth and turning 7 all within 10 days is a little too much for this mom to take. But at the same time I am loving it. I am so proud of the little dude that he is and little man he is becoming. Here is on his way out the door for his experience at school all day, every day. He’s excited and nervous but ready too. I am feeling the same way. It’s time. I know this. I can feel it.

He carries this heart in his back pack that we made yesterday . Inside it has 2 little hearts and one star to remind him that God loves him and is with him, that we love him and that he would shine like star for others to see. We also are committing to pray each day that he will be strong and courageous in all that he faces for the Lord God is with him wherever he goes. Good reminders for him. And his momma too. He isn’t alone, but faithfully watched over at all times.

So yay! for another new chapter that we jump into with both feet. Our hearts are full!

And I can’t wait till 3pm when the bus drops him off!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Shine like stars in the universe in which you hold out the word of life! Philippians 2:16

They look, listen, watch, hear, say, do everything their momma does. They take it all in. The good and the bad. Rarely miss a word, action, look, sigh.
And if they do miss something…they ask. Why? What? Who? How? WHY???
And then maybe one more time, just to make sure they got it right.

 I see this whole mimicking act playing out before me all day long and I wonder…
What do my little shadows see in me?
Who…what… am I reflecting to them?
At times I am overwhelmed by the responsibility.
I am attempting to model, mold, point, reflect in a way
that brings them closer to Jesus.
Pressure.

Other times I rest in the truth that I can only do so much.
I am only so responsible for so long.
I will mess up, reflect something far from what Jesus would want or do
and fall back into His grace time and time again.
Even when I am fully trusting in Him and semi have my act together
they will still make mistakes, mess up, get hurt, hurt others and fail.
They are their own people.

I want to take my “shawdow job” seriously. I feel the weight of the responsibility.
But my prayer and where I struggle is using it for His glory and not to control my kids.
Because then they don’t really want to be in my shadow, they just want to get out of it.
Ultimately I pray we experience the freedom found
in being in the shadow of the one who has us both covered.

Sometimes as a mom you just need to get out. Alone. By yourself. The amount of personal time and space I have is slim to none. Or as I labeled in this picture, negative. One girl sitting on top of me, the other flying high on top of my feel in “airplane mode”.

Yep, there are times when the space to needs to be more than a few inches. Space to think, write, do, just be me. It clears my head, energizes me, makes me a better momma.

Today I am 2 miles down the road at Starbucks with my laptop, headphones in listening to something other than Justin Bieber, with notepad of lists of all sorts and my fave new sharpie pen. I’m going to work here friends. Two hours. All I need. Just some time. Some space. To just be.

What do you when you have some time and space?

Sidenote: I also shared an older post from last month on my friend Kristi’s blog, Always Alleluia. Check it out and the others who linked up. Good reading ahead!